For the last couple of years I've been panicking about this day. My birthday. The big 3-0. It just seemed so grown-up, and I've never been that great at 'adulting'.
I had a list of things I wanted to achieve before hitting 30 years old - all silly, unimportant things like partying in Vegas 'The Hangover'-style, returning to the Florida hotel we stayed at on our honeymoon, and touring the Deep South of America (yes, most of them seem to involve popping across the pond!).
I suppose I just didn't feel that my life resembled what I imagined it should at 30, and this all-consuming fear kind of took over my life in months leading up to being 28 and then 29. I was dreading the big day so much that I made huge plans to distract myself - a massive party where I'd get really drunk and forget all about being 'old', or a extravagant trip to New York, for example. I gave my husband strict instructions that I both "didn't want to be sober" or "wake up at home" on my birthday.
However my birthday celebrations were to be miles away from what I could have imagined (afternoon tea in Harrods, and a trip to Winter Wonderland), as I spent my much-dreaded 30th birthday 18 weeks pregnant with my first child! And because of this I no longer feel as scared about how old I am. I'm now a very anxious, but excited mum-to-be and all the silly worries about my age now pale in comparison to the upcoming life-changing event we're anticipating in May. I'm finally going to be somebody's mum, which will be the most important and life-changing role I'll ever take on, and because of this Vegas can wait. Plus there's always 31.
Do you/did you feel anxious about turning a certain age? I'd love to hear that it's not just me!
Thanks for reading,
Sam Xx
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